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I have been friends with a woman, a person who's faced and conquered several obstacles, and I respect her for that. Yet, she has been often caught off guard by people. Her spouse left her, which came as a massive blow. Many of close acquaintances vanished at that point, because they seemed only interested in him. She was stunned by her. She made increased attention toward our bond, likely grasped better the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, several of her friends have drifted apart without her being knowing the cause. Her last employer became hostile, despite the fact that she was very skilled at her work, she departed unaware of the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

Recently, we have each retired and are seeing frequent meetups, but I am finding my role in the relationship is as the audience. I open discussion points only for her to redirect conversation onto what interests her. In terms of politics, she holds strong opinions. I attempt to recommend factchecking and alternate views.

She has been arranging a vacation abroad I have traveled to on several occasions and resided in previously. My intention was to offer personal experiences, but this was not welcomed. She essentially only wanted validation of her decisions. I recently ended a month there and she wants to meet, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling to act as a friend who cuts and runs without explanation, however, I feel she will ever understand the impact of how she acts on my confidence. At this point, I am in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

One option is to end things abruptly, but it is not often the peaceful resolution we imagine. But confrontation with the goal of a solution demands strength and openness from both people.

Professional advice indicates using a effective method for resolving disputes:

"The first step requires explaining the usual pattern when you talk. This needs to be based on facts and essentially exactly what occurs. Step two is to tell the way it affects you emotionally. This allows for no dispute on this point. Emotions are valid, after all. The third step is to ask ways you together can shift the pattern between you."

Remember your friend has a point of view, thus requiring you to remain ready to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is telling to the other person:

"Now you talk while I will not say anything for 30 minutes."

This can be successful for promoting better communication.

Final Thoughts

This person may dismiss all you say, for those who hold onto a self-protecting mindset: they have a narrative regarding their experiences they cannot abandon since their identity relies on it and it represents familiar to them. It's tough as there is no thoroughfare with these people, mere obstacles. But she may start out defensively before reflecting about what you've said. And even if a resolution isn't found a resolution, it provides peace from having been open and direct.