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One Side: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She creates vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me being her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend helping her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with someone. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my version of living actively: noticing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, providing her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not all people enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private videographer, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video here or there would be fun for Beth. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She must to honor Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some real experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their bond?