This Floating Poo Was Way Too Meaningful! These Are the Television Disappointments of the Year.
As we reflect on the television offerings of the past year, a selection of series stand out not for their excellence, but for their spectacular failures. From awkward sequels to bafflingly poor docuseries, here are the productions that had us scratching our heads or just reaching for the remote.
The 'Sex and the City' Sequel
How to start with this love/hate spin-off? Plagued with woeful writing, painful character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the show struggled to find its footing. Briefly, as the third series started, it looked like it had finally hit its stride. Then arrived an episode centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the showrunner announced this would be the last season. It concluded on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s loo flooded with poo was simply too symbolic. Still, viewers certainly found joy dissecting every single “what on earth?” episode. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t let out a little sob?
The Kim Kardashian Drama
‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’
But that was almost the smallest of this drama's problems. The recipient of a very rare zero star review, it was hard to know where to begin listing the problems. The hilariously leaden writing? The mind-numbing veneration of affluence and materialism? The almost wilful parade of cliches? Acting so poor they felt almost spiteful? Let’s just say “all of the above” and never speak of this series again. However, a new season has been commissioned, so we’re probably going to have to.
AKA Charlie Sheen
Given the restraining orders, abuse claims and fatherly failures, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d really have known it from this multi-part documentary which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of self-destructive hedonism while failing to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any sympathy this show might induce should be saved for the people who have had to endure proximity with this charming but dismissive egotist.
The Supercomputer Drama
Of course we knew it was preposterous from the outset: a thriller about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure admiration for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ended up hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.
MobLand
Shady characters meeting in deserted boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.
In truth, that is unfair on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the embarrassment of having to indulge unconvincing accents. But there were plenty of other issues. Primarily that it was just really dull; a dispute over drug-selling territory between various cockney picaresques which seemed a bit basic.
With Love, Meghan
Given the extent to which she grinds the gears of certain ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s almost tempting to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s televised forays into quaint lifestyle as intentional provocations. But then you watch them and are compelled to admit that actually, they may have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle magazine animated; a meme for wine o’clock with delusions of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental sayings and pointless crafting “hacks” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by immense, largely undeserved wealth. Ugh.
The Beckham Documentary
There are obviously interesting things to be discussed about both Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, identity, self-acceptance. But for whatever reason, this three-part series opted not to explore them. Rather, the experience was like consuming a marketing catalogue. She obviously has good reason to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But sadly, she didn’t do herself any favours with this cagey non-event of a series.
The Game Show
It had the potential to be the next cultural phenomenon – except even camper, with a glamorous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality overseeing her estate. What more could you want? As contestants competed, there was plenty of backstabbing and squabbling. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too confusing to explain what exactly was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via prerecorded videos. The series ended up smelling of a production that was trying way too hard to live up to something way beyond it.
The Lena Dunham Romcom
How do you follow a show that captured a generation? The pressure was enormous for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who arrives in London with a shattered romance. The star seized the opportunity by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very slick and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity cameos involved felt uncomfortable.
Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping
Not good enough to be ‘patchy’.
Given the shrewd recruitment of gifted younger comics, expectations were high. But unhappily, most of it didn’t land. A particular sketch was a single joke stretched to a dry pulp but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.
The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox
This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an interesting drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be handled with care. Instead, the series struggled painfully to find the right tone, lumbering from strangely breezy, slightly mannered farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Twisted? Arguably. A total mess? Very much so.
The Maths Genius Thriller
We love the star … but did we buy him playing the most brilliant maths genius in history, a man so smart he’s on the verge of a breakthrough that could ruin society? Nope! This international thriller about secret services targeting – and eliminating – intellectuals frankly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.
1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story
This hagiography followed the content creator notorious for sexual exploits as she undertook her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we craved was far greater examination of her actual psychology, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who showed up to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific shots and absolutely no critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a teenage daughter too.
